Saturday, November 25, 2006

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.


This was sent to Aunt B via email...



Dear Aunt B-
I found your website and like your style. I am not a spring chicken 48 but I still have some pep in my step. Problems Problems!
I have done the drug thing myself and I'm not too proud of that part of my life. I haven't touched any thing in many many years. Over 20.
Let me cut to the chase. This is about a man - I know you must be floored by that but - yeah it's true. ................I have not let anyone live with me in over ten years until this man.
We met as a blind date type situation through a girlfriend at work. We all got together and went to a Casino and stayed over night. After learning about him I decided he wasn't for me. He was still married, (they slept in different rooms) 3 kids - (13 girl, 19 & 20 boys) all with issues of their own. Anyway my girlfriend slept with me in one bed and the guys slept in the other. We had a good time and we knew one another for 2 years before we actually got together.
He is a truly a good guy - and I am bound to screw it up - it's a pattern I'm afraid. He is a little younger 43. He was in a miserable marriage. He stayed for 20 years. She was seeing a Black guy and I think that's what made him leave rather than - him leaving her for me if that makes any sense.
We have lived together for a year now and he has divorced her. Well we have been through a honeymoon period for sure and doted on each other. I love this man - but I feel he holds back and I give everything I have to the relationship. I an a jealous girl however and this has always caused me problems in my relationships. Well here we go.
His ex recently broke up with her boyfriend. And they seem to be talking more.
As I am writing this the situation just got much worse.
It is the Holidays - and my family are gone. He has a pretty big family and they are all down for Thanksgiving too. I had to work on Friday and he made plans to go bowling with the kids. I didn't hear from him all day until time for me to get off. I asked if they had a good time and he said yeah they had a great time. We were to go for dinner with his family when I got off. When I got home he told me his ex came with them and he knew I'd be mad - Furious is more like it. We went to dinner anyway and was strained but I got through it.
We came home and didn't talk much watched a show and went to bed but didn't touch and we always snuggle.
This morning he was suppose to work around the house but instead he put on dress clothes and left. I tried to talk to him and he didn't want to talk about it. He said he guesses he's moving out." I don't want to live with a woman that doesn't trust me".
He said he get his things later.... that's where it is right now.
I am pretty emotional right now so I'm ending it here.
Thanks -
Melanie


Aunt B said...


Dearest Melanie,
This is a rough situation. I do believe I've been in a similar predicament, myself. I don't really believe you have been unreasonable in your feelings. I'm sorry but I will not tell you that you are wrong. If he knew or knows that you are uncomfortable with the notion that he is spending, "Quality," time with his ex, then he needs to read this. It starts with the word "Respect."

I don't believe the word "Trust" should enter the picture.
How gullible should you be? How naive in the name of trust should you be?
I'm sorry but I'm a firm believer that a woman should never assume her man is faithful to a fault. Who wants to go through the hurt and pain, if your man falls prey to some voluptuous, unscrupulous, uncaring tart? Men are men and their nature is, often, for a better word, Shady. Even in Biblical times, since the dawn of time, men have fallen prey to the evil ways of a Jezebel. It's more fact than fiction, unfortunately. So, we gotta be on our toes. There's a fine line between being insanely jealous, possessive and/or intelligently on top of the program. I would feel the same way, if I was in your position. I also believe, if the shoe was on the other foot, this guy would be very jealous, too!
I assume he was married to this "Ex" and it's only natural that they have things in common such as the children. Keeping things on an amicable and friendly level is mature and good for the sake of the children. Anything more than that suggests an ember. It is suspect, even to me. He need only to place himself in your shoes. But even if he can't, he needs to respect YOUR feelings. That's it and that's all.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

I hope you are able to work things out. Please let me know. In the mean time, I'd really like you to look at one thing; Did he look for an excuse to leave?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I want to tell all my friends and family, those that read this or if you're just passing by, to have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I want you to take one day out of one year of the rest of your life and live it without any guilt. I want you to eat like there's no tomorrow, love like you'll never know it another day and laugh till you can't laugh anymore. I want you to have hope and know unconditional and divine love for one day. I want you to remember those that have gone ahead and are not here to share in your turkey or your day. I want you to remember and be grateful, thankful for that time that you had with that person or persons.
Many of us feel utterly alone. But it's all perspective. Friends, good friends are family we hand pick. If you have no friends or family, you chose this. If you think you have no family, you chose this. Even if you never see or talk to another family member till the day you die, you are never alone unless you choose to be. Family, remains in our heart. Even when they are a 1000 miles away, they are always in my heart. Hell, they could live next door but if I choose not to have family, I won't. But they are as close as my memories. Choose to have family this year, even if you are alone. Celebrate laughter, love and life and find one thing, one little thing to be grateful for, no matter how miserable you believe you are. Search your heart for that laughter you once knew. If you are alone tomorrow, rejoice in a happy moment. If your Mom is gone, remember that look of love, like no other, her looking down upon you and be grateful. Find something, search your soul and be Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Monday, November 13, 2006

ADDICTION'S A TRICKY BITCH


This was sent to Aunt B via email

Hey Aunt B,
Here's my situation.
I know this man from back in the day.
His Sister and I were real close. She was murdered in
June of 05 by her ex boyfriend.
At this time, her brother, and I started corresponding.
He's been in jail since then, due to meth addiction, and
of course being on the wrong side of the law.
That meth shit freaks me out big time.
This guy is now in a halfway house. Its also a rehab
facility, and he has been going through extensive and intensive counseling.
I have become attached to him, even though.
But still am torn because of his past.
I do not want to involve myself with someone with his history, but am still drawn to him.
Do I give him a chance? Do I wait till he's out, and see how he is once he's on the street? Do I keep him away from my kids until I know for sure? My family would surely frown upon him. I just don't know what to do. Thanks Babs,
If Loving You Is Wrong.....
(Hey Babs, thanks for posting your new link for me. My mama is a Babs, and that's exactly what I call her, when I'm not calling her BabsyQ that is.)


Aunt B said...

Dear If Loving You is Wrong,

Wow, what a situation. I almost want to run to higher ground on this one. Why, you ask? Because I am an addict and I know the potential. Personally, I took my addiction further than a lot of people. I had a 5 bag a day Heroin habit, I drank whiskey like I was going to the electric chair in two hours and did every drug known to man. A genuine guinea pig, hell bent. So, I do have an educated o
pinion on the subject. I've also been clean, from heroin, for 8 years. I know what it takes to stay clean. It ain't easy and it is one day at a time. I also went through Prison programs. No program from AA/NA to Inpatient Rehab, works unless you work it. You can not get sober unless YOU REALLY WANT IT! Most of us have to step inside the Gates of Hell, before we get sick enough to make changes, life changes, sustaining changes. My ass was completely burned before I figured this out.
Why do I tell you all this? You must understand addiction, true, hardcore addiction before you can wr
ap yourself in a cloak, that hard shell you must have in order to deal with someone else's addiction. This is very important. You do not want to become an enabler, nor co-dependent as often happens when a couple gets together, where one is an addict and the other is not or just an occasional user. What's the difference? An addict, in layman's or my terms is someone like me who can not function or live, in my own mind, without some chemical in my system. All life as you know it stops and the only thing that matters is feeding, fueling the addiction just to function. Meth has the ability to give such a great high and then you bottom out, boom. The drop is such that you feel you have to have it just to live. It causes great depression, dillusion and paranoia. I am a first hand witness, even in a current state as my ex and all my old friends are in the Sonora Desert, right now, knee deep in their Meth addiction. In my mind, it is one of the worst drugs, even over a Coke addiction. I smoked crack for two years, so I have an educated opinion on that, also. But meth is cheaper, last longer and is crippling.

What the hell is my point?

This is a really tough situation. I would be the last person to tell you to say F* this guy and you are setting yourself up for disaster. But it is complicated and it depends on many variables, if it might work. He can not get out of the half-way house and not continue his treatment. He's gotta take it as serious as a heart attack. You can not be condescending or have an authoritative tone, either, o
r a person, often unknowingly, becomes rebellious. Being supportive, in a positive nature, sets the tone. You must tread lightly, especially with a man, when it comes to your constructive criticism.

Massive Reconstruction

If you are going to consider a relationship with an addict, you must first know the nature of the beast. Yet again, you want to be understanding but not enabling and there is a defined
difference. You will also need a no-nonsense approach to the situation. Are you willing to deal with this guy if he re offends, falls off the wagon or falls from grace? The statistics are, unfortunately, not good but recovery is possible. It also helps if that person has a good support system and they know the logistics of addiction, the signs of or leading to relapse. This is a study in the life of an addict. It is actually simple, yet extremely complex. If this person does not truly get to the bottom of the cause and effect of his addiction, if he does not realize the full potential or not recognize his own red flags, the things that lead him to use, then he is in trouble and asking for another Prison sentence or relapse at the very least. The only way to change things, is to change things, habits, people, places and things. You must completely start over, physically, figuratively and mentally. We truly have the ability to lie to ourselves and we tell ourselves that we NEED to get high to deal with things. Life on life's terms is a bitch. But it can be done, communication is the key. The addict must be truthful and I call it "sabatoging oneself." That's where, you commit to telling someone, tattle taleing about how you feel to someone who understands, cares and is willing to tell you like it is.

Most of us do not like exercise, do we? Dealing with our addiction and maintaining some form of treatment is paramount. But treatment and going to meetings often seem like exercise and we tend to want to say to hell with that. The things and learned behaviors that brought us to the very point of addiction are usually life long behaviors. To change this behavior, our beliefs and values syst
em and the biggest variable, our habit, is no easy task and you sure as hell can't think that it happens over night or even in a prison setting with a few years attached. It's a life long change. It took you a life long time to acquire these traits and behaviors and you can't expect for them to just go away once you don't have the chemical in your body. There is always a want, a need, a longing for the drug, especially when the shit hits the fan, as it always does, in our daily lives. We also have to be careful not to replace one habit with another. This is where addicts tend to trip up. A Meth addict, may very well think that his drug of choice is not really drinking so he thinks it's safe to have a beer or 20. He thinks it's OK to down a few shots or a bottle because, hell, it's legal, right? But anything, any chemical will and is often abused. It also allows our thinking to be jilted, tilted and misconstrued into believing that we should do and behave out of the box. Meaning it actually can poison your mindset and can really help sustain a give a shit attitude. You might not know that attitude unless you are an addict. To do something illegal to get the money for your habit, is out of the box. To buy drugs, illegally, is out of the box. To ingest, smoke or especially shoot something in to your veins, that you really have no idea that it is really what has been sold to you and hope it doesn't kill you, is the definitive thinking, way out of the box. It is a true give a shit attitude. You have to watch for it and hopefully, when the addict entertains this attitude or his addiction, you have to watch him. Talking to them if they are moody and lending an ear may help Suggesting a meeting and going with them is a really good idea.

Going the Distance

You must ask yourself, are you willing to risk all this for love? Coming out of Prison has it's own scars and it's a prime time for abuse. If he is on Parole, it is a real good time to build up the knowledge and understanding it takes to stay straight. Straight thinking is, of course, the best time to get to the bottom of
things. If you plan on the possibility of a serious relationship with this fella, I suggest you read and study as much as possible on addiction. You'll have your hands full and it will not be easy. I believe in my higher power and I pray, I suggest you do too. If the path is rocky, you're going down the wrong path. Pray for guidance and wisdom to know what the right choice is. Make it real clear, REAL CLEAR, that you will stay by his side, as long as he's serious but there will be no games, no using and he will continue seeking support. No excuses, no bullshit. You point out from the git go that you are not a martyr and will not become one for anyone. If he's serious, you'll be there for him. If he's not, go find somebody else's life to screw up beyond his own. Do you have the strength and where with all to go through this?

I wish you all the best. Everybody deserves a chance but never be gullible or stupid. Never under estimate an addict, never. Please let me know the outcome and stay in touch, please! Let me know if this has been helpful and if I can be of any further assistance.

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B
This is a comment back from the writer of this question to Aunt B...

Babs, sorry to not get back to you, I have been working like crazy this week. I so appreciated your answer. I knew about your past, and also from reading your journal and Ask Aunt B feel you hold great wisdom, and knew you would have words that would make me think.
This has been my secret, and am grateful to you for being available to me, and telling it like it is.
I have decisions to make. After thinking about this for the past few days I realize that I may not be the right person for him and his sobriety either.
I am an active weed smoker, and have been for the last 20 years. The last thing I want to do is not be helpful to his sobriety.
But as an addict myself, don't want to stop smoking for him.
We have developed a friendship, where I have always been honest with him in all I say, and I need to talk to him.
He wants to get together with me tomorrow. Which made me freak out a bit. He's within reach now, not just a at a distance, where I've been safe.
I've been a single mom for the past 8 years, with one long term boyfriend about 5 years ago. And have always pushed every man out of my life that wants to be in it.
I've been very hard on the men I've dated, and get rid of them at the first wrong thing they do, no chances.
I feel that love makes you weak, and the last thing I ever want to be again is weak.
My boys' dad is an alcoholic, and I actively attended Al Anon while with him, but of course keeping my addiction a secret as much as possible while with him. Again, my addiction caused me to not be happy with him, because I needed to quit to make it work , and wouldn't.
Sorry I know I'm babbling along with MORE issues, but your answer really did make me think, and I appreciate that, being the " I can't think of that today, I'll think of that tomorrow" Scarlett O Hara kinda gal that I am.
Thank you Babs,

Sunday, November 12, 2006

ABORTION; DO YOU REALLY KNOW THE STORY???


I invite you to read
this article. No, don't turn your head and say "Oh, it's uncomfortable, I don't want to look at that." Well, you need to, so you can make an informed decision. You need to, so you'll take more responsibility when you go out on Friday and Saturday nights and you don't bring a condom and figure "oh well, I can just get an abortion, if I have an accidental pregnancy." That is so dangerous.
I was 16 years old when I first got pregnant. I actually thought of having an abortion. I didn't know anything about the medical aspect of it. But something inside, told me it was wrong. I tend to believe it was my spirit because everyone around me was getting abortions. We were fighting for our rights to get one back in the 70's and no one ever sat me down and told me it was wrong. Well, I'm telling you, it is wrong and you can scream, "Well, it's my body," all day long. But what about that childs right to live and not be torn to shreds? That's the harsh reality of it.
Go here to read this story on my Medical Ink blog. Then, tell me it's ok?

Then, I'd like you to listen to these audio/podcasts, I did several months ago. After you've listened to these, you can then form an opinion. Otherwise, just don't pretend you are educated on the matter, ok?

Friday, November 10, 2006

LIFE LESSON 101; IT'S NOT ALWAYS FAIR


This is a long post/letter but a valuable read.


This was sent to Aunt B via email...



Dear Aunt B,

Recently one of my few friends got into a lot of trouble. Because of this incident, she spent an entire week in detention at school, every day until the end of the year she is now forced to pick up trash on compass, and her mother grounded her until she turned 18.

Now, I did the exact same thing except on a much larger scale. In punishment, I recieved only one day in detention. That was it. I wasn't even grounded by my mother.

The worst part was, was that I had to almost insist that they punish me because of what I did because I considered it grossly unfair that I did not recieve any form of punishment while my friend did. Even worse was that, that the one day in detention was the worst that I could get them to give me.

When my friend found out, she became infuriated with me. She was mad that I recieved a far less harsh punishment from the school than she did, she was mad that my mother didn't punish me while her mother punished her, and then when I told her about how I had to make them punish me, she became even angrier. Now she refuses to talk to me.

I've even talked to her boyfriend, whom had gotten in trouble with her (they really weren't doing anything bad, honestly) and he refuses to speak to me as well unless he comes to the swordfighting classes that I help teach since I am the assistant instructor.

I don't understand why they're mad at me when it wasn't even my fault that I didn't recieve as harsh of a punishment as they did, and I don't understand why they're mad that I insisted on a punishment.

I know why the school didn't want to punish me and why my mom didn't. I'm an honors student who's attending college classes during my free time, and I'm already recieving scholarships in writing contests that I enter.

I would really like getting some advice on how to patch things up with my friend since she and her boyfriend are two of my seven friends. I don't want to lose them, but I will unless I do something and I can't do something because I don't understand why they're acting like this!

Please help.

Sincerely,

Confused friend




Aunt B said...


Dear Confused Friend,

This is so painful, I know. I feel for you, I really do. This, unfortunately, is another one of life's dirty lessons; Nothing is Fair!

First, let me say this...it is not YOUR fault for the punishment that you were given. Did the gods shine on you? I don't know. As you stated, it may have been because you are an exemplary student and they gave you some leeway. I find it rather exhilarating, that you are able to see the injustice of your friends punishment, compared to your own. Equally impressive, is the fact that you were willing to take a harsher punishment and even asked for it. That is either a true sign of friendship and/or a true sign of maturity. More importantly, you passed one of life's little tests. Most people opt for the easy way out. Sure it would be easier to walk away with the profit of a lesser sentence but I have a sneaking suspicion you have a true sense of moral decorum. Somehow, I can see you on the Justice League, as a young woman, fighting for the rights of others. We certainly need more people like you in this world and I encourage you to never allow this world to taint that set of standards that you hold yourself to. Be a lawyer or work for the ACLU and champion for the underdog, you know the one that gets kicked by the buttheads called society as a whole?
Back to the dilemma. Lil' Sister, I invite you to allow your friend to read this. Just send her the link or copy and paste the parts you want for her.
Keeping it real, I would say that your friends reaction is normal. We all want justice, we all want to be treated fairly. When somebody else skates, it pisses us off. Unless of course, it is ourselves. Then, there is the rare persona of a young lady who believes in right and wrong, true friendship and a sense of fair play. I think your friend would be pissed at whomever, Joe Blow, Jane Doe, it wouldn't matter. But it was you that, in her mind, got off easy, thus, you are the one she's staring in the face and yelling "Injustice" and I can't blame her. But let's look at this. I am all about putting things into perspective and let's examine this, ok?

1. Looking at your jacket, which is your record of behavior and as an adult, if you have a criminal record, they call it your jacket, is there difference there? I mean, does her record show past infractions and yours doesn't? This is how a sentence is meeted out in the Criminal Court system. If it's your first infraction, they cut you a break.

2.What was the attitude difference, between you both, upon presentation of your infraction? In other words, did you show a remorseful attitude and maybe, she did not? Some of us get angry when confronted with our wrong doings, right? Some of us flip the script and turn it around and are more pissed off that we were caught than looking at what we've done and showing remorse. This is quite typical, actually. Most people do not want to look in the mirror on any scale and see themselves or their behavior as wrong. We often, out of convenience or survival, turn things around with a hate for any kind of Law or Law Enforcement. This is why we cuss the Police when we are stopped for speeding. Who wants to be chastised or pay a penalty when they are wrong or break the rules? Also, this is why we often repeat an offense because we haven't really learned our lesson. We misconstrue things to make it more palatable.

There are too many variables, that I don't have in front of me, evidence, records and so on to make a judgment call. But that is not why you wrote me, is it?
What to do?
I would give her the link, as I said and have her read this. Obviously, this is weighing heavily on you or you would not have bothered to write me for advice? I think you really need to put things into perspective. If you do not want to have her read this, then take from it and use it. Tell her that you understand her animosity towards you but it is not your fault. Tell her that you are aware that it may not have been fair and you don't feel good about it, at all. As a friend, this hurts you and you do not want to lose her friendship over something that is out of your control. Really, what the hell can you really do about this? Nothing. They must have had reason for their reasoning, I can only assume. Tell her, after all is said and done that if she will hold this against you, one of two things is happening here; She is either jealous, immature or plain hateful. Or misinformed and didn't realize that it's not your fault. Let her choose which it is and I guarantee, she will not admit that she's being immature. I think it's most likely that she was just angry and it came back on you. If she's a true friend, she'll try to see things as they really are. If she's not a true friend, she won't try to see it and quite frankly, you don't need any friends like that. I recommend that you either give her this link or write down how you feel, what's really going on and put things into perspective for your friend. After that, the ball is in her court. Let's see if she plays fair and has a sense of Sportsmanship and Civility?
Time heals all wounds. This is a life lesson, pay attention. You will find that life is not fair, what so ever but it is commendable that you rally towards what's right. Try to use this to help others. I see you going places, young lady and I wish you only the very best. Please stay in touch and let me know how this goes. Holla back!

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Am I Dreaming???

This was sent to Aunt B via email


Dear Aunt B,
I'm 17 years old and I still attend high school. One of my classes happens to be a welding class and it's taught by a young teacher who has yet to reach his mid thirties, but he is by no means a fresh faced, just out of college teacher.
Anyways, I've recently been having erotic dreams about him, and I don't know what to think! I wasn't even aware that I had even possessed these feelings for my teacher. And while I'm in class, I act like I've always done, and these dreams don't even enter my mind, but whenever I'm outside of them, I can't help but think about them!
The worst part is that he's happily married and he has kids. I mean, his wife is a principal at another school and their kid is like 3 or 4 eyears old and I believe they're expecting another, so it's obvious that it's an active relationship.
And then there's the fact that a year or two ago, our government teacher was caught sleeping with one of his students and was arrested. The girl was expelled and wasn't even allowed to go to nightschool.
This is not only freaking me out, but it's left me awfully confused since I'm dating someone else, even though they have been giving me the cold shoulder as of late.
Any advice?
Sincerely,
Unknown Attraction


Aunt B said...


Dear Unknown Attraction,
Well, for all intent and purpose, I'd say you are having normal feelings and emotions all around.
First off, you can't control what goes on with your mind, in sleep, short of prayers before bed. So, don't feel guilty about that. For that matter, it could be anybody that your mind uses for sexual escape, it just happened to be this guy. I've calmed down, in my older years but there was a time, even younger than you where I had constant sexual dreams. I was a hornball, especially after I figured out how to, uh... masturbate by accident in the tub. I came home from school with one thing on my mind and I sure did take a lot of baths back then. So fresh and so clean clean, lol! Yes, I know TMI but I'm telling you this for a reason. I know how a healthy woman operates. Dreams are for the young and healthy and yours are so normal, believe me. Your mind just happened to pick this guy. I'd be willing to bet that in all due reality, he does nothing for you, does he? I mean in the sexual lusting department, you probably would not look at him twice?
An example; they say that true crime, criminals, rarely dream. They also say that they are not able to act out aggression, fantasy and so on, in their dreams and end up acting out on a conscious level. The mind works in strange ways and I don't buy into the dream dictionary mentality, that there is a reason and so on for everything you dream. I've had some real doozies, bet your bum on that! I think you just picked a familiar face out of the line-up in your brain and now you're feeling guilty about it. But it's our little secret and no harm is done. Stop feeling guilty. I'm not going to point a finger and say you are wrong, you little slut, because you are not. I especially commend you on your premise of values and beliefs. You are very mature on that level by recognizing that this guy is happily married. Many girls don't recognize this and they are the ones that reek havoc and wreck marriages. They can take a good man down, I've seen it. Many girls use their sexuality like a venus fly trap and they are very dangerous, especially in this day and age of sexual disease. But those girls don't take into account or even care if the guy is a happily married man. They have an agenda and it is often one of low self-esteem, you know, "I got what you want," and they use it in a harmful way. I'm sorry but it's a fact that a good population of men do fool around, thinking with the little head instead of the big one and these kind of girls are the ones that tempt them. This also separates the girls from the women. You my Dear, are in the latter category. It is apparent to me that you have a set of morals, that fiber and strength that makes a woman stand tall. You are going to be alright in this life, Girlfriend.
This guy who is brushing you off or giving you the cold shoulder, does he know what a diamond in the rough he has? Aaaaaaah, young love, it changes with the wind. Do not fear. You are not measured by having a guy to go to the Senior Prom, yes it's nice but not an absolute. You are 17 and you have a long life ahead of you, I see this. You have time to pick that right guy, you know, that one that makes you laugh. He's not all that handsome but he's for real and that's just what you need. See, that kinda guy will always treasure a decent looking woman. You will meet this man, when you least expect it. But try not to blow off his advances, as I know you will cause he's not drop-dead gorgeous and he's NOT what you envision as the perfect man. But he IS the one that will make you happy on a cold winter night and he is the one with undieing devotion that will hold you in the end. Watch for him, be aware and let him find you, mark my words.
Well, Ms. Unknown Attraction, I wish you all the best and would appreciate a comment and an update when things jump off in the next couple of years. It's gonna be a great life for you, put on your seat belt!!

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B


Friday, November 03, 2006

SET UP FROM THE GET UP???

This was sent to Aunt B via email


I started talking to this guy online (something I have never done before,so it was new to me!)and after about two weeks we were talking and I think I made the boneheaded move and told him that I kinda liked him. Well after about another week he told me he had been talking to this other girl in his home town for awhile and they just started dating. My feels were of course hurt but I didn't tell him that. I told him I was happy for him.
We continued to talk just as friends of course, but it was really weird. Well he went to visit his girlfriend and on the way to visit his girlfriend (because she at college he calls me. And I didn't expect him to so it was really weird. And out of no where he tells me that if I see him online that he can't talk because he is going to be with his girlfriend and he doesn't want her to get the wrong idea about us. And we had already covered that we were just friends. I told him later that I thought he only Called to cover his ass! He said no he said it because the conversation wasn't going anywhere so he just said that. Out of anything he said that!!! Then I told him that I felt like when I talked to him I had to walk on egg shells and that is mad me mad,that could usually fix stuff like that but I can't fix this. (Of course I didn't feel like this until he got a girlfriend)
Now he isn't talking to me....AT ALL! What do it do? Just let it go? Is it a lost cause? That is what I'm starting to think.

Ms. Left Wondering



Aunt B said...


Dear Ms. Left Wondering,

Well, by the time you read this, you may well have changed your mind. But in the event that you haven't let me say that this sounds like a no win situation. But in all honesty, you may very well have set yourself up for this one without even knowing it.
I don't claim to be a psychic but I am highly intuitive, we'll call it. My gut instincts tell me that anything I say, concerning this, may not be what you want to hear. My instincts further tell me that you are in a very vulnerable place in your life. It also tells me that, normally, you would just blow this off and move on. But you are also a winner, thus, you feel like you've lost something. You allowed yourself to be wound up in this situation. But let me say this, the guy doesn't have a crystal ball, does he? He may very well have contacted you for one of two reasons; to make you jealous or to blow you off.
My gut tells me that it's not advisable,for you to get involved, any further with this guy. Unless I'm misunderstanding you, this guy may behave as if you'd be a partner in his crime of passion and is setting the stage of trying you to see if you'll tolerate it. You know, keep it on the hush hush, D.L. and I doubt that's what you really want.
As I said before, for whatever reason exists, I feel you are very vulnerable right now. Ask yourself, why is that and how to remedy that situation? It could be that you're ready to settle down? Don't let the first joker that comes along, put you in a pattern that is not healthy. It's a fact that there are so many fish in the sea, we just can't seem to see them because we have dark goggles on. Stand strong Girlfriend, you deserve a guy that has no bullshit on the plate. Please take my advice, get back into the Chat rooms if that's your option and find Mr. Right. I see nothing wrong with meeting someone on a Chat room or Dating Service. In fact, it's safe and it leaves the ol', "Judge a Book by it's cover," element into a fool-proof proposition of getting to know the guy first, BEFORE you can turn him down for his looks. You'll get to know the person on the inside before you'll fall for the outside and realize he has no inside, right? If I read this wrong, I invite you to explain further. If not, I encourage you to brush this guy off your persona and begin again, a fresh start with no games.
Please leave a comment, stay in touch and update me, ok? Take care,
Ms. Left Wondering!



Keeping it Real,


Aunt B