Saturday, October 07, 2006

NO BUTT LOVIN'

Dear Aunt B,
My fiance' and I are supposed to get married, next May. I really love Peter but he puts a lot of pressure on me to have anal sex with him. I don't like the idea, it grosses me out. He was drinking not long ago and said that all the girls were doing it, why won't I? He even showed me a porno, he said he's had since college, of girls doing it like that, yuk!
Aunt B, my Mom is dead and I have no one to ask. I came across your advice blog about a month ago and thought I have nothing to lose. I really don't want to do this. Am I being a prude? He even said that on our Honeymoon, he was looking forward to doing that to me. I am actually mortified but I don't want to lose him. What can I do?
Kelly


Aunt B said...

Kelly,
Tell him ok, if you get to do him first and make it a big one,hahaha!!
I'm not a fan of that position, either. I don't know if he's really serious or not? I also don't know how serious you are about him?
No, all the girls are not doing it. A small percentage is doing it and he can not say that, that is a gauge of a good woman, as he's implying.He can not hold you to that. I know that it's not fair for him to put undo pressure on you to accommodate him on this one, it's just not right. I wouldn't say it's the norm, either and I'd be willing to bet money that there are more women who won't do it than will. I've done it, trying to be open minded and I don't care for it. It was painful and I'm not into pain unless, I'm dishing it out, hah!
I think it's real important, that you assert your feelings now and tell him if he doesn't like it, he needs to find one of those savory chicks in the porn business. You're not about that, you don't approve nor will you ever so he needs to let it go. It seems to me that you cringe, every time he brings it up, right? Tell him to let it go, it ain't happening and if that's what he thinks women have to be about, he's disillusioned and sadly mistaken. What's wrong with good ol' down and dirty sex without the shitty attitude, all puns intended?
Kelly, have him read this, if nothing else. I will make this post known on my other blog and we'll see what the women have to say on the matter, ok!
Thanks,
Keeping it Real,


Aunt B

11 comments:

Lynn said...

This is just my personal opinion and maybe I shouldn't say it, but... well, I have a big mouth and can't help it. I would get away from this guy. IMO, it is extrememly disrespectful to pressure someone in a sexual manner. I would seriously doubt the love of someone who disrespected me this way. My ex used to pressure me for things I didn't want to do and he turned out to be abusive and a complete sicko. RUN, honey - run fast!!!

xmichra said...

Well. Okay. First, if you are affraid of losing him over this.. you will at some time. So don't waste the marrital joy on that.

BUT (no pun intended) for the actual question, i will talk a little about anal sex.

It is painful for women who do not use the correcct amout of lubrication (you MUST use lube!) and who are tense. Or for anyone who suffers from hemeroids or has had children (sometimes that stretches the sphincter.).

It is not painful when done correctly for MOST women who try. you have to use lube. this is #1. It is also easier if you have clitoral stimulation at the same time.. as it makes all the muscles relax and contract naturally.

If you are concerned about 'size' them maybe try a vibrator (you can get the small pocket rockets) or a finger (again, WITH LUBE) to try it out.

At least then you are taking the "fear" of doing something that sounds unnatural out of your head. For the most part, that is what it is. The stigma.

I used to enjoy anal sex more than vaginal sex, bt since having my daughter. i can not seem to "get there". It hurts from all the shifting and what not from my neither regions.. lol.. but I still do practice it from time to time to see. And sometimes it's great, and sometimes I yell at my hubby to GET THE FUCK OUT NOW. heh.
The big part here, is are you comfortable with your lover and with yourself? That will determine the real enjoyment.

Hope that helps :)

xmichra said...

oh, and thanks Babs for directing me over this way!

.Ophelia. said...

Xmichra you always have good insight. Been meaning to tell you that.

Kelly, I strongly believe that he is taking advantage of you. All women most definitely do not have anal sex. The pornstars doing it on tape means nothing. They are getting paid for it. Most of the time they fake enjoying something on film, guys just dont see that.
I think that if you feel uncomfortable his pressure isnt going to help. And if you dont want to do in hun, dont. Its your body. Your not being a prude at all.
If he doesnt respect your decision not to then he doesnt deserve you. Because there is alot more to having sex then anal. Dress up for him, spank or be spanked, maybe figure something out that both of you can be comfortable with.
Good luck and please dont fall into pressure. Cause if you fall into this, you never know what else he will come up with later. Men are like children, you give an inch they take a mile.

Babsbitchin said...

Lynn, Xmichra, Ophelia
Wow,you ladies have a whole eclectic mix going on here with a valid argument at every stop. I appreciate your candor and straight forwardness. I agree in every respect and to each his own. If you're gonna try it, it's gotta be because you want to not because you feel pressured to do it. Especially, if you feel you must, to keep a man, that's just wrong. I wouldn't want a man that required that from me. Whenever I did that, it was a gift not a given. Thank you ladies and maybe Kelly can steer away or become more relaxed in the situation. I appreciate ALL of your opinions!

xmichra said...

Thanks Ophilea. I find that for the most part anything I have to say is in terms of respect. Respect yourself, respect others. can't go wrong with that. So really, it's more likely the truth in yourself that you see rather than "my' insight. lol.. I am just a pawn. Still, you have a lot of very vallad points and I have come to look forward to your comments in babs forum as well.

Good fodder for the brain ;)

Thanks again Babs... you know how much it pains me to hear of good sex gone bad. haha...

AZCG said...

Everybody's got one, so here's mine... opinion that is. In my 57 years I've had two lovers who's only goal in sex was my pleasure, they were so in tune to women that you couldn't fake an orgasm with either one of them. I couldn't say no to either one of them because sex was so enjoyable for me that to say no would be cutting my own throat. If either one of these lovers asked for anal sex I would probably have said yes, because every sexual experience I had with them was pure pleasure. But rest assured a man you loves and respects you will never ask you to do something you're not comfortable with. If he does he is only looking to gratify himself, and there is no pleasure in making love to a greedy self centered man.

CanadianSwiss said...

I think that all my points have been said already. However, I do want to emphasize hat respect is to me the most important thing in any relationship. Don't ever let yourself be pressured to try something you don't feel comfortable with. If he doesn't respect you in sexual matters, he won't in other areas of your relationship either.

Babsbitchin said...

xmichra, I do appreciate, as we all do, your opinion. You are helpful and most reasonable. In this situation you played the devi's advocate for anal sex which was serious but amusing and I loved it. You presented your case quite well. Along with the rest of the comments from Lynn, Ophelia and Canadianswiss, this gal should get educated right here, right now. It doesn't get any better than this. Thanks!

Babsbitchin said...

canadianswiss, yes respect is the complete answer, isn't it? W/o it, you have nothing. It is the cheif componant in any relationship. If you have that, you'll never go wrong because with repect comes trust. They actually play off each other, I think? Thanks!

Babsbitchin said...

AZCG,you are so right. If it is a pleasurable situation, of course you'll wanna give it a whirl.Having a man that knows to please a woman FIRST, is a wise man and I've gone as far as telling my sons this same thing. Trusting a mna sexually is another situation that warrants sexual experimentation. If you know that he's not one of those wam, bam, thank ya ma'am kinda guys makes for a better setting,too! I have to agree with you that it can all be a good thing if they are giving. My last was way too big for that sorta thing. I don't even shit that big for goodness sakes.