Tuesday, August 15, 2006

BIRTH OF A BLOG!!!

I’m tired tonite. My ass is dragging and the neighbors are complaining about the noise it makes as I walk around the yard. I thought I’d give this a whirl. Let’s see what kinda shit I can stir? But not tonite!
But here's some posts from my Bitchin & Stuff blog that are advice worthy.


Friday, August 11, 2006

SUNBATHING ETIQUETTE OK, so you've got some nice hooters and of course the guys wanna see them.But you girls that run around with nothing on are ruining it for us girls that like to keep the mystique in the mission. Maybe they wanna see your ass hanging out of a thong but I don't and I look at you and loathe. Is it jealousy? Perhaps, but even when I was younger and things were all in order, I still had a little modesty.

Let me put it to you this way;If a women is wearing a white uniform, you call her a nurse, right?If a woman is wearing a stewardess uniform, you call her a stewardess, right?If a woman is wearing a camo uniform, you call her a soldier, right?If a woman is wearing a short skirt, fishnet stockings and stiletto's, standing on a corner, stopping cars, you call her a prostitute, right?If a woman is walking around an event or at the beach in nothing more than a thong, you call her stupid, right? No??? Why not? She's wearing the uniform of a wanna be prostitute but not charging for the goods and she's bad for business. What business, you ask? The Art of Being a Woman. And what is that art? Feminine mystique, making them want you, the art of desire and passion. The total package, an article of clothing at a time.

Why do
you want to just dump it in his lap. Why would you sell yourself short by giving away the punchline, the sales pitch, the package. You really want to know what a man wants??? He wants Betty Crocker in the kitchen and a woman of mystique in bed. Not here look at the junk in my trunk. It's no wonder we get divorced so much now. For one, he's distracted by the dizzy ditzes, little wanna be women who will plop it in his lap. Ladies, we are doing this to ourselves in the name of woman's rights. Married women no longer want to go to the beach with their families because it's like going to a strip joint. "Here honey, look at her ass and her nipples hanging outa that top. Why don't you think of sex with her and forget about me." And he does. You're feeding your man to the Lionesses. Am I being drastic? I think not. And this post is not gonna change a frigin thing but we did this to ourselves by allowing it.

My days of running around are over but I know and can remember not wanting to go to the beach because of this and HE ALWAYS wanted to go.It's one thing, if a guy looks at a magazine but to have that in your face? How can you compete with that, it's an unfair advantage. He's not gonna let you run around in a skimpy outfit cause maybe the guys'll be looking at you. But for us girls that gave our figures for having babies and my last was 10.5 and 23 inches,it's not fair for them to flaunt their shit in your man's face. I don't like it, it's disrespectful and I never will.


I've been in many a fist fight on a Friday night cause some stupid chick in a skirt was flashing the guys, regardless of my husband seeing it. Well, this Bitch will call you on the carpet over that. And even at 47 years old I will still kick your ass. Why? Because I'm as wicked and street as they come and far more evil than you'll ever be. I'm not gonna box with you or pull your hair and scratch. Nope, I will find an equalizer and pummel your ass. I'll pick up a bar stool and you'll wear it. You'll eat your teeth like Chicklets. And then
how sexy will you feel?





Friday, August 11, 2006
SEX AND HASH
Long Island Update-

I didn't eat all day yesterday, started drinking around 5:30PM and had a nasty headache by 10:30PM. I ate almost the whole damn can of Corned Beef Hash with garlic salt on it.Why I wanted that, I do not know
nor did I after I ate it? Thought it was going to come right back up but I went to bed at 11:30PM Ok Babs, you're boring the shit outa us, damn!!

So prior to that, my lil' Sister and I sat out on the side porch, in our respective rocking ch
airs, enjoying a much earned, cool evening. I think we both smoked a pack of cigarettes each as we sat there, her drinking her white wine, me drinking my vodka and iced tea, talking about the more important issues of world peace; SEX!!
Now, mind you, lil' sis never talks about such rudimentary fun filled facts with me, so this was a real treat. My sis is your Homecoming Queen, best dressed, Ann Klein, Prada wearing kinda gal and this was way out of her realm. We talked of past relationships and the current and where we stood concerning sex. My sister is a little freak. Nope, just kidding. She's more on the conservative side but we got a lot resolved last night or rather we made some careful analagies.

Now, I'm not a nympho but I love to do the horizontal mambo as much as the next girl. But to have sex for the sake of having sex, as in with anybody, well I've out-grown that. The 70's were fun as hell though as I saw more sausage than a Bratwurst factory. The question that hung in the air always kept coming back to; Why do women not like sex with their husbands and what brings them to that point?

Personally, with my first marriage came complacency. I was 16 when I married and really knew not of what real sex was other than laying on my back and taking a good pounding. I apparently had somehow managed to give a good, ummmmm Blowjob. Nobody taught me but I knew that if you paid attention to the certain primal screams, you could tell what was liked and not liked. Well, it's all good but you could tell what really tripped their trigger. I gave my husband a coupon book every year for Christmas, "Blowjobs on Demand." He told me it was all he ever wanted. So, being a woman of my word, always, he could demand it in the parking lot of the grocery or his personal favorite, while we were driving down the road. We're lucky we weren't killed the time my head got stuck between the steering wheel,the Truckers loved it.But our conversation brought about a few realizations.

Women/Men don't want sex for three reasons;
1. It's painful
2. It's uninteresting
3. They can't stand their significant other.

If there is no,"AFFECTION," in the relationship, there is really nothing, as you can live without the sex but must have affection. If a man does not take the time to please the woman, knowing that he usually has a short fuse,possibly, then it only becomes a chore that get's you dirty and sweaty. I think I'd rather get dirty doing something a little more constructive like cleaning the litter box.
If it's painful, get an examination and work on that.

You only live once and, well quite frankly girls, I used to tell my husband that I was cutting him off and he said, "I couldn't cause I didn't know where he was getting it!" Now, he was kidding as he valued his own life more than fooling around on me but it's an example of capability.

It's a male thing to want sex and if you're not obliging, your man may shop elsewhere. So, see if it is a physical problem and or use a lubricant. And tell your man that it's in his best interest to please you first for two reasons; it makes you want it more and it also makes it...tighter, woohoo! If they catch wind of that, you'll be sure to get the maintenance you deserve.

Lastly, if you have no affection in your relationship, you need to examine this. What happened? Where did it go? Did you become stale in your relations because of children or time? And what can you do to bring back a little magic, that spark that preficed being and choosing this person as your mate. Don't be afraid to talk about it and for God sakes, get yours as life's too short and you may only get one go around, right???



Thursday, August 10, 2006

DR. BABS D.L. METHOD
It has come to my attention from one of my gentle readers, that a lot of people are not accustomed to telling an offending party to, "Kiss their Ass." Such a shame! The gratuitous feeling one gets upon the expletive rolling off the tongue, is unrivaled. Therefore, I would like to teach you my Down Low,(D.L.), Method of dealing with a situation, whereas you cannot use the prior, afore mentioned expletive.Most of us go through life holding our thoughts and our feelings in check, in the name of being civilized, disciplined or passive. It is proven that this type of person usually has a lot of stress and stuck, buried stuffed feelings. Not good and you're are an accident waiting to happen. But in all due reality, it is known, even by myself, that we can't always go off half cocked, correct??? So, I learned through serious behavioral modification, just how to deal with these stuck feelings. What I'm about to tell you, you may think, well, I've been doing this all along. Perhaps, but I want you to get that good feeling back. I want you to have a bit of freedom and that gratuitis feeling exploding in the bit of your stomach. Now, it takes some training and a tad of discipline but in no time, you will be feeling set free and SMILING!!. The next time someone, lets say your boss, upsets you, remember two things; you may only be upset if you allow it and if you cannot help being upset, then I want you to look that person straight in the face and tell them to fuck off...IN YOUR HEAD!! This takes a conscience effort to take control of a heated situation, that you feel is not in your control. But you always had control, you just didn't know it. So, you've been cussing people out in your head for years but you didn't take control, not really because you were angry. You allowed this person to take your joy and that's a no no. Take it back by stopping that angry thought process and concentrating on what you would really like to say to this person and say it...IN YOUR HEAD. There is no more gratification than standing in front of a raving boss, who is belittling you for your poor work record or that screw up, you just couldn't help, by taking back control of the situation and telling him. "You know what you fuckstick, you really have a little dick and I hear your balls are cheesy, " and have a big grin on your face but say it to him in your head. Now, you know in all due reality, you can't say that to his face, you'd be fired in an instant. But what you say in your head belongs to you and no one can take it away. Believe me, once you begin to practice the D.L. method, people can sense that they're not getting under your skin. The next time your spouse is berating you, take back control and tell him off...in your head. Tell him he's a lousy lover and he has the brains of a fly; all he does is eat shit and bother people. Tell her that yes, everything she wears makes her ass look fat and she just lays there eating cookies when you're having sex. But don't say it out loud, you must always fight fair, no hitting below the belt in any close relationship but you can sure as hell think it!And never, ever fight in the bedroom. Why, you ask? Because that should always be your Sanctuary, your place to make up and get down, a relaxing escape.I perfected this method under complete duress, in my 19 years of captivity, as a P.O.W. I was called a whore, told no one wants me and my kids and so on. Every time I opened my mouth in reprisal, I was knocked down and would have to come up fighting. But in order for me to deal with this oppression, I had to adapt. And adapt I did. It is truly a good feeling when you can look anybody in the eye, someone you can't stand, smile and tell them, in your head, they are uglier than a mud fucking fence and their mother shoulda been slapped when they were born.With a calm exterior, you think that thye think they're brilliant but your dead dog is smarter. It's exhilerating to smile or to stay calm and casual in the heat, under fire and be able to tell someone to go take it in the ass with a jack hammer and smile wilst doing it, all in your head. But always, always, whenever possible,or when all else fails, tell 'em that Babs said to "Kiss Her Ass!!!"

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Aunt B, I especially liked your Sex Hash story. And thank you for the tip on making sure the woman's needs are met first. Makes sense.
HR

Babsbitchin said...

HR, I'm sorry I didn't thank you before now for your kind words. You must've snuck in under my radar. But I do appreciate you taking the time to let me know that it's nought for nothing. Thanks and I hope you'll stop back by!