Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The FruitCake Lady

The Queen of in your face Advice, my Mentor

We're saddened to announce the passing of Marie Rudisill, our beloved "Fruitcake Lady." She died Saturday, November 3rd in Hudson, Florida. Born Edna Marie Faulk in Monroeville, Alabama, she was aunt to Truman Capote, and helped to raise him in Alabama and New York City when he was still young.

I swear this is me in about 20 years. This is the funniest shit, I've seen in a long time!!

(Thanks Wys)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


This was sent to Aunt B via email...

I just don't know what to do?

Hi, and how are you today? Better then me I hope. N-E-Ways. I am a 23 year old female married to a 40 year old and have a relationship problem. I feel in order for you to fully understand my situation, I should give you some past information. See I met my husband about 4 or 5 years ago. I was with my ex and doing drugs and prostituting. He was a guy that picked me up. He was married at the time, but like all men say, he said his relationship was on the rocks and they slept in different rooms, exc. He came by to see me just about everyday and we became close, very close. He would pick me up and we wouldn't do anything sexual most of the time, we would just talk. Well I ended up leaving my ex for him. He divorced his wife and we are now married and living together as of 11/05. I have not done drugs since I have been with him, well I did slip once, but that was all. See we were all drunk and he ended up having sex with my sister, I left went back to my ex for about a week and got high. But we worked things out and I came back. He is a very controlling man. I am not allowed to talk to my family, which I can understand considering my mom is a real bad crack addict. But he doesn't want me having any friends. He says I can have friends, so I do have 2. But every time I talk to them he gets mad I'm on the phone. I am not allowed to go out anywhere with them. Nothing! I don't work, and I don't have a car. Well I had a car, but he sold it because He didn't want me to have that much freedom. I have a seizure disorder. So basically my life consists of staying home all the time, taking care of his 13 year old son, cleaning, cooking, and giving oral sex to my husband on demand, which is a least once a day. Now there are a few things I don't know what to do about. His son is 13 and he buys him whatever he wants. I suggested that maybe it is about time for his son to help out around the house. I'm not saying he has to do everything, but making his bed and taking the garbage out I think are reasonable request. He only makes his bed when I yell and even then usually my husband will do it for him and the garbage sits there till I get sick of looking at it and end up taking it out, or my husband once again does it for him. I get frustrated because I tell him to do something then his dad does it for him and it's sending the message that he does not have to listen to me. I tried talking to my husband and I turn into a bad guy for "picking on a 13 year old" What should I do???? Now my other problem. Back to the friends thing. I Started a my space account and started chatting with people on line. I posted pictures and people vote on them. We about a two weeks ago this guy john sent me a message. I wrote him back and told him to vote on my picture. Well we have been writing and joking around. He read my profile and saw I lived in portage and I guess he lives like 4 hours away. Well he sends me a message joking saying he can't vote on my picture because a picture don't do justice and he wanted to see what I really looked like. I didn't respond. Two days later I got a new message from him saying he voted me a 10. So I left him a comment saying "Hey babe, thanks for taking all the time to come all the way over here to see me so and rating me a ten." Now I didn't mean it in the way that he actually came out here, I was being sarcastic because of his previous comment. Well my husband likes to check up and see the sites I go to on line and I guess he went to this guys page and say what I said. He got mad and started accusing me of having guys over and stuff. I told him he was really taking the message the wrong way. That How it sounds is not how it was meant. But he was still just being mean about it. So in order to make him feel better I deleted my, my space ,account. That way I couldn't be accused of nothing. I would rather go without talking to anyone then talking to people and being accused of cheating. So I thought that was the end of it, but when I called him on his cell phone later, I said hey papa. He goes" what are you calling me papa for you called john babe" I told him there was no meaning behind it. I have the two friends who are both females and I call them dear, and honey. He knows that. I didn't mean any harm by it and I deleted the whole my space account just to prove it, why is he still being an ass about it. So, what should I do??? What else can I do?? I love him but I don't know if this relationship is more trouble then it is worth. He is a ultimately a good man. But it seems as if he loves fighting over stupid petty stuff. I love him so much and everything I do is to please him. I cook everyday. The house is always clean. I don't cheat. I don't go out. I give him head on demand. What else could a man want. I just don't know what to do. Please help me. I am desperate.
Confused Krissy

Aunt B said...

Dearest Krissy,
This one is easy, a no brainer, yet it's one of the most complicated letters, I've received to date. I have very mixed emotions here, I really do. I've been in that "Controlled" situation. Quick homework assignment;
Stockholm Syndrome.
I did your life for close to 19 years. so I do have a grasp of the situation. I danced topless when my 1st husband found me, I thought he rescued me. The man adored me but after a few years, I grew weary of being Fathered by my husband. But then, I jumped from the frying pan into the fire with #2 and he was so controlling and abusive. "I" changed who I was to meet his needs. I quit talking to family, friends and basically became secluded. My children were my refuse and yet, if I showed any affection towards them, when he was around, he found something to bitch them out about.
If we choose to, as people often do, we can find redeeming qualities in a rattlesnake. That is what I did and often told him he had the passion of one.
It is possible, that you have done the same thing. Right or wrong, this is something you either accept as your lot in life or you rise above it.
Example; he slept with your sister, ouch, that's gotta hurt. But it doesn't sound to me as if you are throwing it in his face. He may genuinely be hurt or may have a lack of trust because he does think that you fooled around with the MySpace guy. But he is also using it to keep you in check. He just doesn't know how good he's got it. But he's gambling that if he makes you feel like a little whore, you'll do your best to be a good girl and try to make it up to him. Fuck, I hate to say it girlfriend, but you're every man's dream of the perfect Concubine. Now, don't take offense to that. I'd call you a Courtesan but he's not royalty. Would sex slave,housekeeper, babysitter be a better term? He just doesn't know how good he's got it or maybe he does and is doing his best to keep you in your place, know where you are at all times and make you never give any attention to anything or anybody but him. When they come out with the Robotic capabilities of life size, life like women, I'm sorry but you will be replaced. A robot won't bitch about his kid or sass back, right?
His kid needs to do what he's told and respect what you ask of him. What he's breeding is a lazy little shit who'll screw up and never take responsibility, will not have good habits ingrained in him and will probably not have good habits. Often, we need to be good parents and less of a friend to our children, for their own good. But if his Dad or you tell him to do something and he doesn't and Dad turns around and picks up the slack, then the kid thinks his Dad is a chump and he can get away with shit. Mark my words, that kid will look for easy targets, the rest of his life. No, it's the little things like that, which are teaching tools and Dad is setting a pretty bad example. Making your bed and taking out the garbage are next to nothing and if he can't manage that, you watch, he'll not make it in the big bad world. Nope, we have to know that there are true and real consequences for our actions or we don't take life seriously. He sure as hell, doesn't respect his Dad or he'd do what was reasonably asked.
Back to you. Krissy, you're going to have to ask yourself, really what do you want in this life? I'm quite sure, it's not the lifestyle that hooking offers. That is one of the harshest worlds and you may feel like this guy saved you from that stark reality. In a sense he did. I want you to begin to gather your strength. I want you to begin to feel like more than a sex toy. I want you to look in the mirror and see the really wonderful woman you are. I want you to see, what you have to offer, to give, to some guy that deserves you. I could tell you that you deserve better but you don't believe it, now do you?
My advice to you is this; I don't think that you really realize that you are holding a hand full of Aces. What is the absolute worst thing this guy can do to you? Can he send you packing and back to a life, working the streets? Well, yes he could send you packing but he won't, he's not stupid. He'd be giving up the all time dream gig. If he is not abusive, which you didn't mention and I hope that is not going on, as I've been there, then what can he really do to you, you know to really hurt you? You've already lived a rough life and I'm sure you don't want to go back to hustling, I wouldn't but if it happened tomorrow, it sure wouldn't be the worst thing, would it as you can handle it. I'm not encouraging you to go back out. What I'm saying is I want you to put things back into perspective and look at your life as it is, can be, could be and what it won't be if you do not realize that in fact, you are calling the shots! Now, let's weigh this out for him, ok? Before you; He can go back to his lonely life, making his kids bed, doing his own housework, eating crappy meals and even paying for his sex. OR, he can wise up, realize that he has a good gal, who's not afraid of life and living it, keeps his home for him, looks after and tries to encourage his brat teen kid to do the right thing so he may just be an asset to his community, instead of a burden, cooks him a hot meal and his most certainly a woman any man would look forward to coming home to? I'm telling you, he will not throw all this away! He would be a fucking idiot, if he did and I'm quite sure that he's aware of it or was at one point. I think you may need to remind him. I ask you to take a chance and have him read this, if you dare. In the event that he does, I want him to realize just what he has, that so many men would wish they had. Even if you are not a princess or the best looking chick to walk down the pike, you can do better than to be treated any less than you should be or any less than a good woman deserves. I'll bet you just didn't see it this way. I also have a personal message for you and will include it with this link. I wish you only the very best. I encourage you to look in the mirror and stop sabotaging yourself. You've put yourself through enough already, it is your turn to have a good moment in life. You deserve to be happy and I hope you hear me.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Saturday, November 25, 2006


This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Dear Aunt B-
I found your website and like your style. I am not a spring chicken 48 but I still have some pep in my step. Problems Problems!
I have done the drug thing myself and I'm not too proud of that part of my life. I haven't touched any thing in many many years. Over 20.
Let me cut to the chase. This is about a man - I know you must be floored by that but - yeah it's true. ................I have not let anyone live with me in over ten years until this man.
We met as a blind date type situation through a girlfriend at work. We all got together and went to a Casino and stayed over night. After learning about him I decided he wasn't for me. He was still married, (they slept in different rooms) 3 kids - (13 girl, 19 & 20 boys) all with issues of their own. Anyway my girlfriend slept with me in one bed and the guys slept in the other. We had a good time and we knew one another for 2 years before we actually got together.
He is a truly a good guy - and I am bound to screw it up - it's a pattern I'm afraid. He is a little younger 43. He was in a miserable marriage. He stayed for 20 years. She was seeing a Black guy and I think that's what made him leave rather than - him leaving her for me if that makes any sense.
We have lived together for a year now and he has divorced her. Well we have been through a honeymoon period for sure and doted on each other. I love this man - but I feel he holds back and I give everything I have to the relationship. I an a jealous girl however and this has always caused me problems in my relationships. Well here we go.
His ex recently broke up with her boyfriend. And they seem to be talking more.
As I am writing this the situation just got much worse.
It is the Holidays - and my family are gone. He has a pretty big family and they are all down for Thanksgiving too. I had to work on Friday and he made plans to go bowling with the kids. I didn't hear from him all day until time for me to get off. I asked if they had a good time and he said yeah they had a great time. We were to go for dinner with his family when I got off. When I got home he told me his ex came with them and he knew I'd be mad - Furious is more like it. We went to dinner anyway and was strained but I got through it.
We came home and didn't talk much watched a show and went to bed but didn't touch and we always snuggle.
This morning he was suppose to work around the house but instead he put on dress clothes and left. I tried to talk to him and he didn't want to talk about it. He said he guesses he's moving out." I don't want to live with a woman that doesn't trust me".
He said he get his things later.... that's where it is right now.
I am pretty emotional right now so I'm ending it here.
Thanks -

Aunt B said...

Dearest Melanie,
This is a rough situation. I do believe I've been in a similar predicament, myself. I don't really believe you have been unreasonable in your feelings. I'm sorry but I will not tell you that you are wrong. If he knew or knows that you are uncomfortable with the notion that he is spending, "Quality," time with his ex, then he needs to read this. It starts with the word "Respect."

I don't believe the word "Trust" should enter the picture.
How gullible should you be? How naive in the name of trust should you be?
I'm sorry but I'm a firm believer that a woman should never assume her man is faithful to a fault. Who wants to go through the hurt and pain, if your man falls prey to some voluptuous, unscrupulous, uncaring tart? Men are men and their nature is, often, for a better word, Shady. Even in Biblical times, since the dawn of time, men have fallen prey to the evil ways of a Jezebel. It's more fact than fiction, unfortunately. So, we gotta be on our toes. There's a fine line between being insanely jealous, possessive and/or intelligently on top of the program. I would feel the same way, if I was in your position. I also believe, if the shoe was on the other foot, this guy would be very jealous, too!
I assume he was married to this "Ex" and it's only natural that they have things in common such as the children. Keeping things on an amicable and friendly level is mature and good for the sake of the children. Anything more than that suggests an ember. It is suspect, even to me. He need only to place himself in your shoes. But even if he can't, he needs to respect YOUR feelings. That's it and that's all.

I hope you are able to work things out. Please let me know. In the mean time, I'd really like you to look at one thing; Did he look for an excuse to leave?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


I want to tell all my friends and family, those that read this or if you're just passing by, to have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I want you to take one day out of one year of the rest of your life and live it without any guilt. I want you to eat like there's no tomorrow, love like you'll never know it another day and laugh till you can't laugh anymore. I want you to have hope and know unconditional and divine love for one day. I want you to remember those that have gone ahead and are not here to share in your turkey or your day. I want you to remember and be grateful, thankful for that time that you had with that person or persons.
Many of us feel utterly alone. But it's all perspective. Friends, good friends are family we hand pick. If you have no friends or family, you chose this. If you think you have no family, you chose this. Even if you never see or talk to another family member till the day you die, you are never alone unless you choose to be. Family, remains in our heart. Even when they are a 1000 miles away, they are always in my heart. Hell, they could live next door but if I choose not to have family, I won't. But they are as close as my memories. Choose to have family this year, even if you are alone. Celebrate laughter, love and life and find one thing, one little thing to be grateful for, no matter how miserable you believe you are. Search your heart for that laughter you once knew. If you are alone tomorrow, rejoice in a happy moment. If your Mom is gone, remember that look of love, like no other, her looking down upon you and be grateful. Find something, search your soul and be Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Monday, November 13, 2006


This was sent to Aunt B via email

Hey Aunt B,
Here's my situation.
I know this man from back in the day.
His Sister and I were real close. She was murdered in
June of 05 by her ex boyfriend.
At this time, her brother, and I started corresponding.
He's been in jail since then, due to meth addiction, and
of course being on the wrong side of the law.
That meth shit freaks me out big time.
This guy is now in a halfway house. Its also a rehab
facility, and he has been going through extensive and intensive counseling.
I have become attached to him, even though.
But still am torn because of his past.
I do not want to involve myself with someone with his history, but am still drawn to him.
Do I give him a chance? Do I wait till he's out, and see how he is once he's on the street? Do I keep him away from my kids until I know for sure? My family would surely frown upon him. I just don't know what to do. Thanks Babs,
If Loving You Is Wrong.....
(Hey Babs, thanks for posting your new link for me. My mama is a Babs, and that's exactly what I call her, when I'm not calling her BabsyQ that is.)

Aunt B said...

Dear If Loving You is Wrong,

Wow, what a situation. I almost want to run to higher ground on this one. Why, you ask? Because I am an addict and I know the potential. Personally, I took my addiction further than a lot of people. I had a 5 bag a day Heroin habit, I drank whiskey like I was going to the electric chair in two hours and did every drug known to man. A genuine guinea pig, hell bent. So, I do have an educated o
pinion on the subject. I've also been clean, from heroin, for 8 years. I know what it takes to stay clean. It ain't easy and it is one day at a time. I also went through Prison programs. No program from AA/NA to Inpatient Rehab, works unless you work it. You can not get sober unless YOU REALLY WANT IT! Most of us have to step inside the Gates of Hell, before we get sick enough to make changes, life changes, sustaining changes. My ass was completely burned before I figured this out.
Why do I tell you all this? You must understand addiction, true, hardcore addiction before you can wr
ap yourself in a cloak, that hard shell you must have in order to deal with someone else's addiction. This is very important. You do not want to become an enabler, nor co-dependent as often happens when a couple gets together, where one is an addict and the other is not or just an occasional user. What's the difference? An addict, in layman's or my terms is someone like me who can not function or live, in my own mind, without some chemical in my system. All life as you know it stops and the only thing that matters is feeding, fueling the addiction just to function. Meth has the ability to give such a great high and then you bottom out, boom. The drop is such that you feel you have to have it just to live. It causes great depression, dillusion and paranoia. I am a first hand witness, even in a current state as my ex and all my old friends are in the Sonora Desert, right now, knee deep in their Meth addiction. In my mind, it is one of the worst drugs, even over a Coke addiction. I smoked crack for two years, so I have an educated opinion on that, also. But meth is cheaper, last longer and is crippling.

What the hell is my point?

This is a really tough situation. I would be the last person to tell you to say F* this guy and you are setting yourself up for disaster. But it is complicated and it depends on many variables, if it might work. He can not get out of the half-way house and not continue his treatment. He's gotta take it as serious as a heart attack. You can not be condescending or have an authoritative tone, either, o
r a person, often unknowingly, becomes rebellious. Being supportive, in a positive nature, sets the tone. You must tread lightly, especially with a man, when it comes to your constructive criticism.

Massive Reconstruction

If you are going to consider a relationship with an addict, you must first know the nature of the beast. Yet again, you want to be understanding but not enabling and there is a defined
difference. You will also need a no-nonsense approach to the situation. Are you willing to deal with this guy if he re offends, falls off the wagon or falls from grace? The statistics are, unfortunately, not good but recovery is possible. It also helps if that person has a good support system and they know the logistics of addiction, the signs of or leading to relapse. This is a study in the life of an addict. It is actually simple, yet extremely complex. If this person does not truly get to the bottom of the cause and effect of his addiction, if he does not realize the full potential or not recognize his own red flags, the things that lead him to use, then he is in trouble and asking for another Prison sentence or relapse at the very least. The only way to change things, is to change things, habits, people, places and things. You must completely start over, physically, figuratively and mentally. We truly have the ability to lie to ourselves and we tell ourselves that we NEED to get high to deal with things. Life on life's terms is a bitch. But it can be done, communication is the key. The addict must be truthful and I call it "sabatoging oneself." That's where, you commit to telling someone, tattle taleing about how you feel to someone who understands, cares and is willing to tell you like it is.

Most of us do not like exercise, do we? Dealing with our addiction and maintaining some form of treatment is paramount. But treatment and going to meetings often seem like exercise and we tend to want to say to hell with that. The things and learned behaviors that brought us to the very point of addiction are usually life long behaviors. To change this behavior, our beliefs and values syst
em and the biggest variable, our habit, is no easy task and you sure as hell can't think that it happens over night or even in a prison setting with a few years attached. It's a life long change. It took you a life long time to acquire these traits and behaviors and you can't expect for them to just go away once you don't have the chemical in your body. There is always a want, a need, a longing for the drug, especially when the shit hits the fan, as it always does, in our daily lives. We also have to be careful not to replace one habit with another. This is where addicts tend to trip up. A Meth addict, may very well think that his drug of choice is not really drinking so he thinks it's safe to have a beer or 20. He thinks it's OK to down a few shots or a bottle because, hell, it's legal, right? But anything, any chemical will and is often abused. It also allows our thinking to be jilted, tilted and misconstrued into believing that we should do and behave out of the box. Meaning it actually can poison your mindset and can really help sustain a give a shit attitude. You might not know that attitude unless you are an addict. To do something illegal to get the money for your habit, is out of the box. To buy drugs, illegally, is out of the box. To ingest, smoke or especially shoot something in to your veins, that you really have no idea that it is really what has been sold to you and hope it doesn't kill you, is the definitive thinking, way out of the box. It is a true give a shit attitude. You have to watch for it and hopefully, when the addict entertains this attitude or his addiction, you have to watch him. Talking to them if they are moody and lending an ear may help Suggesting a meeting and going with them is a really good idea.

Going the Distance

You must ask yourself, are you willing to risk all this for love? Coming out of Prison has it's own scars and it's a prime time for abuse. If he is on Parole, it is a real good time to build up the knowledge and understanding it takes to stay straight. Straight thinking is, of course, the best time to get to the bottom of
things. If you plan on the possibility of a serious relationship with this fella, I suggest you read and study as much as possible on addiction. You'll have your hands full and it will not be easy. I believe in my higher power and I pray, I suggest you do too. If the path is rocky, you're going down the wrong path. Pray for guidance and wisdom to know what the right choice is. Make it real clear, REAL CLEAR, that you will stay by his side, as long as he's serious but there will be no games, no using and he will continue seeking support. No excuses, no bullshit. You point out from the git go that you are not a martyr and will not become one for anyone. If he's serious, you'll be there for him. If he's not, go find somebody else's life to screw up beyond his own. Do you have the strength and where with all to go through this?

I wish you all the best. Everybody deserves a chance but never be gullible or stupid. Never under estimate an addict, never. Please let me know the outcome and stay in touch, please! Let me know if this has been helpful and if I can be of any further assistance.

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B
This is a comment back from the writer of this question to Aunt B...

Babs, sorry to not get back to you, I have been working like crazy this week. I so appreciated your answer. I knew about your past, and also from reading your journal and Ask Aunt B feel you hold great wisdom, and knew you would have words that would make me think.
This has been my secret, and am grateful to you for being available to me, and telling it like it is.
I have decisions to make. After thinking about this for the past few days I realize that I may not be the right person for him and his sobriety either.
I am an active weed smoker, and have been for the last 20 years. The last thing I want to do is not be helpful to his sobriety.
But as an addict myself, don't want to stop smoking for him.
We have developed a friendship, where I have always been honest with him in all I say, and I need to talk to him.
He wants to get together with me tomorrow. Which made me freak out a bit. He's within reach now, not just a at a distance, where I've been safe.
I've been a single mom for the past 8 years, with one long term boyfriend about 5 years ago. And have always pushed every man out of my life that wants to be in it.
I've been very hard on the men I've dated, and get rid of them at the first wrong thing they do, no chances.
I feel that love makes you weak, and the last thing I ever want to be again is weak.
My boys' dad is an alcoholic, and I actively attended Al Anon while with him, but of course keeping my addiction a secret as much as possible while with him. Again, my addiction caused me to not be happy with him, because I needed to quit to make it work , and wouldn't.
Sorry I know I'm babbling along with MORE issues, but your answer really did make me think, and I appreciate that, being the " I can't think of that today, I'll think of that tomorrow" Scarlett O Hara kinda gal that I am.
Thank you Babs,

Sunday, November 12, 2006


I invite you to read
this article. No, don't turn your head and say "Oh, it's uncomfortable, I don't want to look at that." Well, you need to, so you can make an informed decision. You need to, so you'll take more responsibility when you go out on Friday and Saturday nights and you don't bring a condom and figure "oh well, I can just get an abortion, if I have an accidental pregnancy." That is so dangerous.
I was 16 years old when I first got pregnant. I actually thought of having an abortion. I didn't know anything about the medical aspect of it. But something inside, told me it was wrong. I tend to believe it was my spirit because everyone around me was getting abortions. We were fighting for our rights to get one back in the 70's and no one ever sat me down and told me it was wrong. Well, I'm telling you, it is wrong and you can scream, "Well, it's my body," all day long. But what about that childs right to live and not be torn to shreds? That's the harsh reality of it.
Go here to read this story on my Medical Ink blog. Then, tell me it's ok?

Then, I'd like you to listen to these audio/podcasts, I did several months ago. After you've listened to these, you can then form an opinion. Otherwise, just don't pretend you are educated on the matter, ok?

Friday, November 10, 2006


This is a long post/letter but a valuable read.

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Dear Aunt B,

Recently one of my few friends got into a lot of trouble. Because of this incident, she spent an entire week in detention at school, every day until the end of the year she is now forced to pick up trash on compass, and her mother grounded her until she turned 18.

Now, I did the exact same thing except on a much larger scale. In punishment, I recieved only one day in detention. That was it. I wasn't even grounded by my mother.

The worst part was, was that I had to almost insist that they punish me because of what I did because I considered it grossly unfair that I did not recieve any form of punishment while my friend did. Even worse was that, that the one day in detention was the worst that I could get them to give me.

When my friend found out, she became infuriated with me. She was mad that I recieved a far less harsh punishment from the school than she did, she was mad that my mother didn't punish me while her mother punished her, and then when I told her about how I had to make them punish me, she became even angrier. Now she refuses to talk to me.

I've even talked to her boyfriend, whom had gotten in trouble with her (they really weren't doing anything bad, honestly) and he refuses to speak to me as well unless he comes to the swordfighting classes that I help teach since I am the assistant instructor.

I don't understand why they're mad at me when it wasn't even my fault that I didn't recieve as harsh of a punishment as they did, and I don't understand why they're mad that I insisted on a punishment.

I know why the school didn't want to punish me and why my mom didn't. I'm an honors student who's attending college classes during my free time, and I'm already recieving scholarships in writing contests that I enter.

I would really like getting some advice on how to patch things up with my friend since she and her boyfriend are two of my seven friends. I don't want to lose them, but I will unless I do something and I can't do something because I don't understand why they're acting like this!

Please help.


Confused friend

Aunt B said...

Dear Confused Friend,

This is so painful, I know. I feel for you, I really do. This, unfortunately, is another one of life's dirty lessons; Nothing is Fair!

First, let me say this...it is not YOUR fault for the punishment that you were given. Did the gods shine on you? I don't know. As you stated, it may have been because you are an exemplary student and they gave you some leeway. I find it rather exhilarating, that you are able to see the injustice of your friends punishment, compared to your own. Equally impressive, is the fact that you were willing to take a harsher punishment and even asked for it. That is either a true sign of friendship and/or a true sign of maturity. More importantly, you passed one of life's little tests. Most people opt for the easy way out. Sure it would be easier to walk away with the profit of a lesser sentence but I have a sneaking suspicion you have a true sense of moral decorum. Somehow, I can see you on the Justice League, as a young woman, fighting for the rights of others. We certainly need more people like you in this world and I encourage you to never allow this world to taint that set of standards that you hold yourself to. Be a lawyer or work for the ACLU and champion for the underdog, you know the one that gets kicked by the buttheads called society as a whole?
Back to the dilemma. Lil' Sister, I invite you to allow your friend to read this. Just send her the link or copy and paste the parts you want for her.
Keeping it real, I would say that your friends reaction is normal. We all want justice, we all want to be treated fairly. When somebody else skates, it pisses us off. Unless of course, it is ourselves. Then, there is the rare persona of a young lady who believes in right and wrong, true friendship and a sense of fair play. I think your friend would be pissed at whomever, Joe Blow, Jane Doe, it wouldn't matter. But it was you that, in her mind, got off easy, thus, you are the one she's staring in the face and yelling "Injustice" and I can't blame her. But let's look at this. I am all about putting things into perspective and let's examine this, ok?

1. Looking at your jacket, which is your record of behavior and as an adult, if you have a criminal record, they call it your jacket, is there difference there? I mean, does her record show past infractions and yours doesn't? This is how a sentence is meeted out in the Criminal Court system. If it's your first infraction, they cut you a break.

2.What was the attitude difference, between you both, upon presentation of your infraction? In other words, did you show a remorseful attitude and maybe, she did not? Some of us get angry when confronted with our wrong doings, right? Some of us flip the script and turn it around and are more pissed off that we were caught than looking at what we've done and showing remorse. This is quite typical, actually. Most people do not want to look in the mirror on any scale and see themselves or their behavior as wrong. We often, out of convenience or survival, turn things around with a hate for any kind of Law or Law Enforcement. This is why we cuss the Police when we are stopped for speeding. Who wants to be chastised or pay a penalty when they are wrong or break the rules? Also, this is why we often repeat an offense because we haven't really learned our lesson. We misconstrue things to make it more palatable.

There are too many variables, that I don't have in front of me, evidence, records and so on to make a judgment call. But that is not why you wrote me, is it?
What to do?
I would give her the link, as I said and have her read this. Obviously, this is weighing heavily on you or you would not have bothered to write me for advice? I think you really need to put things into perspective. If you do not want to have her read this, then take from it and use it. Tell her that you understand her animosity towards you but it is not your fault. Tell her that you are aware that it may not have been fair and you don't feel good about it, at all. As a friend, this hurts you and you do not want to lose her friendship over something that is out of your control. Really, what the hell can you really do about this? Nothing. They must have had reason for their reasoning, I can only assume. Tell her, after all is said and done that if she will hold this against you, one of two things is happening here; She is either jealous, immature or plain hateful. Or misinformed and didn't realize that it's not your fault. Let her choose which it is and I guarantee, she will not admit that she's being immature. I think it's most likely that she was just angry and it came back on you. If she's a true friend, she'll try to see things as they really are. If she's not a true friend, she won't try to see it and quite frankly, you don't need any friends like that. I recommend that you either give her this link or write down how you feel, what's really going on and put things into perspective for your friend. After that, the ball is in her court. Let's see if she plays fair and has a sense of Sportsmanship and Civility?
Time heals all wounds. This is a life lesson, pay attention. You will find that life is not fair, what so ever but it is commendable that you rally towards what's right. Try to use this to help others. I see you going places, young lady and I wish you only the very best. Please stay in touch and let me know how this goes. Holla back!

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Am I Dreaming???

This was sent to Aunt B via email

Dear Aunt B,
I'm 17 years old and I still attend high school. One of my classes happens to be a welding class and it's taught by a young teacher who has yet to reach his mid thirties, but he is by no means a fresh faced, just out of college teacher.
Anyways, I've recently been having erotic dreams about him, and I don't know what to think! I wasn't even aware that I had even possessed these feelings for my teacher. And while I'm in class, I act like I've always done, and these dreams don't even enter my mind, but whenever I'm outside of them, I can't help but think about them!
The worst part is that he's happily married and he has kids. I mean, his wife is a principal at another school and their kid is like 3 or 4 eyears old and I believe they're expecting another, so it's obvious that it's an active relationship.
And then there's the fact that a year or two ago, our government teacher was caught sleeping with one of his students and was arrested. The girl was expelled and wasn't even allowed to go to nightschool.
This is not only freaking me out, but it's left me awfully confused since I'm dating someone else, even though they have been giving me the cold shoulder as of late.
Any advice?
Unknown Attraction

Aunt B said...

Dear Unknown Attraction,
Well, for all intent and purpose, I'd say you are having normal feelings and emotions all around.
First off, you can't control what goes on with your mind, in sleep, short of prayers before bed. So, don't feel guilty about that. For that matter, it could be anybody that your mind uses for sexual escape, it just happened to be this guy. I've calmed down, in my older years but there was a time, even younger than you where I had constant sexual dreams. I was a hornball, especially after I figured out how to, uh... masturbate by accident in the tub. I came home from school with one thing on my mind and I sure did take a lot of baths back then. So fresh and so clean clean, lol! Yes, I know TMI but I'm telling you this for a reason. I know how a healthy woman operates. Dreams are for the young and healthy and yours are so normal, believe me. Your mind just happened to pick this guy. I'd be willing to bet that in all due reality, he does nothing for you, does he? I mean in the sexual lusting department, you probably would not look at him twice?
An example; they say that true crime, criminals, rarely dream. They also say that they are not able to act out aggression, fantasy and so on, in their dreams and end up acting out on a conscious level. The mind works in strange ways and I don't buy into the dream dictionary mentality, that there is a reason and so on for everything you dream. I've had some real doozies, bet your bum on that! I think you just picked a familiar face out of the line-up in your brain and now you're feeling guilty about it. But it's our little secret and no harm is done. Stop feeling guilty. I'm not going to point a finger and say you are wrong, you little slut, because you are not. I especially commend you on your premise of values and beliefs. You are very mature on that level by recognizing that this guy is happily married. Many girls don't recognize this and they are the ones that reek havoc and wreck marriages. They can take a good man down, I've seen it. Many girls use their sexuality like a venus fly trap and they are very dangerous, especially in this day and age of sexual disease. But those girls don't take into account or even care if the guy is a happily married man. They have an agenda and it is often one of low self-esteem, you know, "I got what you want," and they use it in a harmful way. I'm sorry but it's a fact that a good population of men do fool around, thinking with the little head instead of the big one and these kind of girls are the ones that tempt them. This also separates the girls from the women. You my Dear, are in the latter category. It is apparent to me that you have a set of morals, that fiber and strength that makes a woman stand tall. You are going to be alright in this life, Girlfriend.
This guy who is brushing you off or giving you the cold shoulder, does he know what a diamond in the rough he has? Aaaaaaah, young love, it changes with the wind. Do not fear. You are not measured by having a guy to go to the Senior Prom, yes it's nice but not an absolute. You are 17 and you have a long life ahead of you, I see this. You have time to pick that right guy, you know, that one that makes you laugh. He's not all that handsome but he's for real and that's just what you need. See, that kinda guy will always treasure a decent looking woman. You will meet this man, when you least expect it. But try not to blow off his advances, as I know you will cause he's not drop-dead gorgeous and he's NOT what you envision as the perfect man. But he IS the one that will make you happy on a cold winter night and he is the one with undieing devotion that will hold you in the end. Watch for him, be aware and let him find you, mark my words.
Well, Ms. Unknown Attraction, I wish you all the best and would appreciate a comment and an update when things jump off in the next couple of years. It's gonna be a great life for you, put on your seat belt!!

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B

Friday, November 03, 2006


This was sent to Aunt B via email

I started talking to this guy online (something I have never done before,so it was new to me!)and after about two weeks we were talking and I think I made the boneheaded move and told him that I kinda liked him. Well after about another week he told me he had been talking to this other girl in his home town for awhile and they just started dating. My feels were of course hurt but I didn't tell him that. I told him I was happy for him.
We continued to talk just as friends of course, but it was really weird. Well he went to visit his girlfriend and on the way to visit his girlfriend (because she at college he calls me. And I didn't expect him to so it was really weird. And out of no where he tells me that if I see him online that he can't talk because he is going to be with his girlfriend and he doesn't want her to get the wrong idea about us. And we had already covered that we were just friends. I told him later that I thought he only Called to cover his ass! He said no he said it because the conversation wasn't going anywhere so he just said that. Out of anything he said that!!! Then I told him that I felt like when I talked to him I had to walk on egg shells and that is mad me mad,that could usually fix stuff like that but I can't fix this. (Of course I didn't feel like this until he got a girlfriend)
Now he isn't talking to me....AT ALL! What do it do? Just let it go? Is it a lost cause? That is what I'm starting to think.

Ms. Left Wondering

Aunt B said...

Dear Ms. Left Wondering,

Well, by the time you read this, you may well have changed your mind. But in the event that you haven't let me say that this sounds like a no win situation. But in all honesty, you may very well have set yourself up for this one without even knowing it.
I don't claim to be a psychic but I am highly intuitive, we'll call it. My gut instincts tell me that anything I say, concerning this, may not be what you want to hear. My instincts further tell me that you are in a very vulnerable place in your life. It also tells me that, normally, you would just blow this off and move on. But you are also a winner, thus, you feel like you've lost something. You allowed yourself to be wound up in this situation. But let me say this, the guy doesn't have a crystal ball, does he? He may very well have contacted you for one of two reasons; to make you jealous or to blow you off.
My gut tells me that it's not advisable,for you to get involved, any further with this guy. Unless I'm misunderstanding you, this guy may behave as if you'd be a partner in his crime of passion and is setting the stage of trying you to see if you'll tolerate it. You know, keep it on the hush hush, D.L. and I doubt that's what you really want.
As I said before, for whatever reason exists, I feel you are very vulnerable right now. Ask yourself, why is that and how to remedy that situation? It could be that you're ready to settle down? Don't let the first joker that comes along, put you in a pattern that is not healthy. It's a fact that there are so many fish in the sea, we just can't seem to see them because we have dark goggles on. Stand strong Girlfriend, you deserve a guy that has no bullshit on the plate. Please take my advice, get back into the Chat rooms if that's your option and find Mr. Right. I see nothing wrong with meeting someone on a Chat room or Dating Service. In fact, it's safe and it leaves the ol', "Judge a Book by it's cover," element into a fool-proof proposition of getting to know the guy first, BEFORE you can turn him down for his looks. You'll get to know the person on the inside before you'll fall for the outside and realize he has no inside, right? If I read this wrong, I invite you to explain further. If not, I encourage you to brush this guy off your persona and begin again, a fresh start with no games.
Please leave a comment, stay in touch and update me, ok? Take care,
Ms. Left Wondering!

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Love Potion #9

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Dear Aunt B,
I am a twenty-four year old single mother.I work a full-time job as well working toward my business degree. I had some really bad relationships in the past and I have a hard time trusting men. I have never cheating on any of my ex-boyfriends yet however, all of them ended up cheating on me. I have recently started dating this guy who is only twenty-one years old. I am not sure if he is ready for a relationship. I was content with just being friends with him but he was very persistent with being my boyfriend so I finally accepted. Part of the reason why I choose to be his girlfriend is because I didn't want him to be with any one else. I don't just want to be with someone for the sake of being with someone, I am looking for marriage.I know he has a lot female friends and this bothers me because my ex did as well; and that relationship was a disaster. I know that every man is different but I just don't know how to trust anymore? I am also afraid to fall in love because, I fall in love very easily and usually I end up getting hurt.Is there away to tell if he is serious?There are days where he does not even bother to call me and I feel like he should at least call to see how I am doing. I understand that he needs his space but in a relationship I feel like communication is everything. I just don't know what I am doing anymore.
Please help me
Ms. Confused

Aunt B said...

Dear Ms.Confused,
Let me first commend you for your efforts. It's not easy being a single mother, juggling work, school and motherhood. I know I did it. Even though it is often the hardest, never forget that being a mother is the most important, everything else just gives you the ride.
OK, it is a given that women mature quicker than men, even in childhood this is true. In many ways, we are more mature in affairs of the heart, too.
I dare say, that you should tread lightly or do not place your heart in his hand. He is young and one day he may feel all the want of a serious relationship, the next he may not. But I am the kind of person that believes in living life, let the rest sit back and watch and say I wish I had...
My last beau was 34 and I was 46. Big difference but we enjoyed each others company. Luckily, you are young enough to see your way through this life with an ability to pick and choose your mate. Mark my words, you will not grow old and be alone. But don't jump and flip things. You may possibly be writing more into this than there is, for the moment. I'm not saying that the potential for a good, healthy relationship is not there because I don't know that. The upside of having a young boyfriend is in the training,(inside joke amongst us girls), but without being demanding, if you want to hear from him, tell him so. At that point you have stated your needs but it's how you address it that will make the difference. Don't jump him and say hey how come? No, you say, "you know, I'd love to hear from you tomorrow." Then, when he calls, you say it again and again, until it becomes second nature. If he doesn't call after that, he didn't want to call and it will be clear, right?
There's a fine line between being stupid and/or possessive. Girlfriend, never trust a man...
completely! Never feed your man to the Lioness and not expect him to be eaten. Now, you can't project your fears from being burnt on some unsuspecting guy who may not even deserve it. But remember this, every single relationship has the potential for harm. But you gotta live girlfriend. Be smart, give them a bit of leeway but don't be stupid. A guy that has a lot of friends that are girls is often gay OR he has an agenda. That's the facts Jack! Now, he may fall in the bracket of the innocent but don't be gullible nor be overly jealous. Be cautious. Your man, may mean well and he had a life before you, remember this . You can't expect him to just trash it. But in a well rounded relationship, he would build his life around you and include you. Thus, you know where his heart lies and exactly where he is, emotionally and literally. How could you not if he was holding your hand all the while?
I'll be curious to know if this works out. See, Ms.Confused, you're ready to settle, on one hand. The other hand just slapped you and said wake the hell up, we're gonna have a career, right? Damn, it's hard to be a woman. My vote would be that you try to take a fraction from all you have, all that's going on and roll it into a ball. Don't put too much in any one thing but work on you and who you are, what you are, what you will be as a woman. Don't settle, ever. If it doesn't feel right, it's not. Now, every relationship takes work as you often agree to disagree. But don't think you can really change a seasoned man or fix him. That's the first mistake.
If you go for this young buck, you must state your needs and desires. Present them in a palatable simple pill for him to swallow. If he fights the medication, you'll know, he's not the one. Love Potion #9

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B


This was sent to Aunt B via email...

I am married to a beautiful woman. She is tall,slender,sexy, everything I've been looking for. We met at an on-line dating site, and we hit it off right away. Within two months we were married. I know it was fast, but we were sure that it would work. After about eight months of trying to have a baby, things began to turn. She came to me one day and told me that she was not happy in our marriage. We never fight, we have had maybe two arguments the whole time. She could just tell me that she was not happy. I was immediately cut off from sex. She didn't want to get preg. She says that she loves me, but is not in love with me. She just does not have the feelings for intimacy. It is very confusing to me. I'm a man. I love her and want to have sex with her. We sleep together in the same bed, she tells me she loves me, but we have only done the deed a couple times since that day. When she feels horny. I have stayed home from work a couple of times in the past week, and I decided to look at her personal journals. I know it is wrong to do, but I am desperate. In the journal I discovered that she has been communicating with one of her many past boyfriends. She says in her journal that she still has emotional attatchments to this guy. She has been e-mailing back and forth with this guy according to her journal, but when I checked her e-mail there was no record of e-mails with him. She has an e-mail account that is through her work, and I suspect that they are using that one. My predicament is whether or not I should confront her about what she wrote in her journal, or have I violated her privacy too much to reveal, and confront her about this.


Aunt B said...

EP, I really feel for you. You sound like a really nice guy who's grasping at straws and wrestling with the guilt of violating the unwritten privacy law.

All's fair in love and war.

You have actually listened to your spirit/intuition that has led you, in the first place, to distrust your wife. When we listen to our inner voice, we're often right.

You have a serious trust issue here. If you don't have trust, you have nothing, in any relationship. If she's not your wife, in her heart, she's not your wife, now is she? You can't make her have emotions that she thinks she doesn't have, right? However, my loyalty is with you, for some reason. If you were my own son, I would tell you that you have absolutely nothing to lose by confronting her with the information you have.

All's fair in love and war.

Take the bull by the horn's and address the situation. You tell her that you had a suspicion and you were grasping at and holding on for dear life and felt desperate because you love her. Don't mention the fact that you don't want to look like a fool either, it won't matter. If you choose to try to work out this relationship, you must confront her or accept your life as it is. That's exactly what it comes down to; What are you willing to swallow in the name of love? You obviously are not happy as things are. What do you have to lose by telling her how you feel? She is so beautiful to you and you are so in love and she can't see it, it is wasted, thrown to the wind.

All's fair in love and war.

I want you to plan a nice dinner, a quiet evening at home and you first tell her how much you really love her. But you will no longer tolerate being treated any less than her husband. You tell her you don't buy the fear of intimacy because she might get pregnant. Hell, that's what birth control and condoms are for and she could use both. You calmly, take control of this situation and make it known you will no longer go along with this situation. You are not to be played with any longer. Confront her with her behavior towards you. If she denies it, you make it understood, things are going to change or bye-bye. You must make it crystal clear that your life will not longer be toyed with and you are not going to tolerate it one more day. Only pull out the Ace, the knowledge you have of her supposed communication with her ex, if you must. You take the upper hand. Yes, I said take it and make it yours. You look in the mirror, pull off that bandaid you've been wearing on your heart and take a stand. Or live the rest of your life, in misery, allowing her to do whatever she wants to you.

I'd slap you myself!! Stand up to her. Have her read this. The jig is up, the game is no more and you're taking your heart and your life back. If she is smart, she'll realize what a good guy she has and get her act together. Now, lace up those boots and march in there and do what needs to be done! Please let me know how you are and how things turn out. If only I was younger...damn!!

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Getting It Together

This is a letter sent to Aunt B via email...

Hi! i just wanted some advice on my life in general. I had been injured at
my job and hadnt worked for 20 months. I have permanent damage to my arms
and hands which i am now not able to do many jobs. I was on compensation but was kicked off with little payments for my damages. i was pretty well hung
out to dry by myself with no help for finding a new career or anything. the
problem is that i had a decent job but had to leave it because i was
switched departments and i couldnt physically do the new job, so i had to
leave. now i have no job. I also have extra debt from my not working before
that i want to take care of like refinance some of it or something. I have 3
kids whom are all in college now. They r doing great.
I have overcome a lot in the last 2 years but still struggle with the job
aspect, im used to making more money and i have bills to pay. Im looking for
a job now that i can actually do physically, but anything i can do has less
pay. So i am really at a crossroads there.
On top of that my husband is just laid off from his job of 5 years. He get
85% of his wages so he is getting paid. Its just everything is wrong right
now. My daughter is away at college and i cant bear it without her too. and
my dog is handicapped on top of that. and also my father has cancer and its
not a recovering kind of cancer. So, pretty much everything is a mess right
now. I dont know really how to handle all these things that r wrong. I
have tried so hard to put everything behind me, but new roadblocks keep
popping up at every turn. Right now i am just looking for a new job or maybe
2 jobs so that i can keep up with everything and get my mind off of other
things. This has been a continually negative time for me but it has lasted
almost two years. I vow that i will turn this all around and i really mean
it and im working so hard to do so, but i just cant seem to get it all
Sometimes you wonder if this is all my life will b for the next 4o years (
im 40 now) what is all the excitement about ????? Its not that great a life
really. I cant get a job that i want because either i cant do the job or if
i get the job they end up checking my sin number and get rid of me because
they find out i had a claim at compensation before. Its not fair and bad
things have happened to me not by my fault particularly but i didnt ask to
get injured or be in this situation. I would like to just finally get on
with my life and i would like to be happy. I havnt been happy for a long
time. Dont get me wrong my husband is great and helps me all the time. But i
havnt been able to contribute anything to this household for the past 2
years which is difficult, because that is why i have extra debt to pay back.
My plan is once i get a new job i can go and get some help to refinance
some of my debt and get paying it off as soon as i can. It guess i think its
all my fault that we r in this spot and im having a hard time changing
things. I just dont know why its so hard for ME to get back on the right
track with my finances and career and my emotions too. I am far to
emotional, i guess from being put thru all of this drama with my injury. I
am now permanently partially disabled and i hate that. I have to have help
with stuff. I really dont like getting help it makes me weak . I amlike mym
father very proud. For someone like me before the injury, i worked full time
and more , kept the house , did the yardwork, gardening , shopping , looked
after a herd of cows as well. Now everything just has fell apart. Even my
freind of 20 years that had gone missing from her home a few months ago, was
found 8 days later and we found out that she commited suicide in the bush
near her house. It was just shocking to us. You see its just a continuous
blurb of roadblocks and obstacles that i have to deal with on an ongoing
basis. I dont know what approach i should take , ive tried to be positive
and all of that. I just need some input or maybe a new direction to go. I
know one thing i have to find a new job right away. I am still going to
interviews and all that but not having much luck. Dont i sound like a loser
???? thanks for any advice you can give!!! I really need it. I cant live
the rest of my life like this or it wont even b worth the effort of getting
up in the morning. Laurie

Aunt B said,
Wow Laurie, you've got a plate full there. I've been where you are and in some ways, I still am. I have disabilities too. It is very hard to step down from making a good living, with a sense of self worth to little or nothing. Been there, done that. I still wrestle with a lot of the same things everyday, that you yourself mention. My Father died from the Big C, I know what you're going through to a certain extent. You are now asking yourself; What more can I take, if any more?

Laurie, I've come to a crossroads in my life, where there's not much more you could do to me that hasn't been done and I mean that in every sense of the word. In that crossroads, I've found a lot of myself and it has shaped who I am and maybe who I will be. It also has afforded me the strength to say what's on my mind, come what may. I've learned from most of my mistakes, gleaned what I could from things that have happened to me in the past and applied it to my Wisdom file.
You may feel right now that there's nothing to learn here but Oooooh there is. Now, we just have to find what it is and why? This will, of course, have to be a personal journey for you. I'm here and you have other people in your life who may support you. But ultimately, this is your fight, right?
If you've read anything about me, you'd know that I went to prison, battled heroin addiction, been raped, beaten and seriously injured. I shot my husband because of his beatings. You have to know that I've been through so much. I often wondered in desperation, just what the hell was going on and why me? Let me tell you what I've learned;

When you stop believing in luck coincidence or magic, you begin to see a plan for your life from a Higher Power. It's like a puzzle and each, incident, accident, situation, moment, life in general happenstance, is actually a piece to the Puzzle of Life. With each new adventure and we'll call it that, you get a new piece of the puzzle, the Puzzle of Life, the Big Picture. It's much like a treasure hunt, look for the pieces in a whole new light and begin to put it together. These things that are happening in your life are for a reason. What is the reason?

This is actually the most important thing you'll read and I mean that. I began to put my puzzle together and no longer said, why me? Instead, I chose to look at it in all it's rawness and mold it into a teaching tool and learn from it. When I began to ascertain wisdom from these things, these awful things that had happened, I also began to own it and take back my power. Now, don't think for one minute that I never have calamity in my life. Quite on the contrary, I always have challenges and often feel I'm climbing constantly, one mountain after another.
When I cried out from the very depths of my soul, my Higher Power heard. A simple statement. I don't know what your belief system is but you should incorporate a positive force in your life and ask for help, really ask for help. It is a calming power. You may very well be angry right now, understandably so. Ask for a calm spirit and ask for wisdom. Seek and you shall find. It is true, if you seek it, you'll find it. If you don't have a belief, I'll pray that you find something and you're able to find calm assurance in your life.
Do you feel your pride has been smashed? Boy, do I know how that feels. Prison has a way of taking your pride as well as not being able to do the things you're accustomed to doing because of injury. It's another simple answer; You should not have pride and it will be broken. Is that the lesson, you need to learn? Is it that you've only relied on yourself or husband for all in life? Did you notice that I said I went throught the same things? Not coincedence!
I am not here to preach only to offer you some tools. Put all that in your tool belt along with this: what will it hurt for you to take 5-10-15-20 minutes of your day, go into a quiet room.Be selfish with this time and afford it to yourself. Light some candles. Put on a comfy cover, blanket. Begin to breathe slowly. Take a long slow breath in through your nose and blow it slowly through your mouth as if cooling a spoon of soup. Quiet your mind and take yourself to a place you envision that is safe, a mental picture. Maybe you are walking on the beach or sitting against an old knobby tree wherever you go, make it a safe haven and purge your mind of all this garbage and pain. I call it prayer, you may call it whatever you want but begin to find things to be grateful for, even in this miserable situation. each time you do this, find a new one, a new reason to be joyful. What makes you smile? Was it that baby, looking up at you with unconditional love and trust? Do you remember those times? So, it is with my Higher Power, I look up and He looks back at me with unconditional love and I begin to trust. A smile comes to my face. Then, I just mentally talk and ask for answers and wisdom. I ask what it is that I need to learn. I walk out with renewed strength and hope. It only works if you do it, Laurie. I think you are a very reasonable person. Right now, you may feel so helpless that you may even scoff at what I've said. The healing will begin when you read this and began to ingest it. I guarantee that you will feel better, every time you incorporate these principles till it's as natural as breathing. It becomes second nature.
As I said, this is a personal journey, you are not alone if you truly look for the answers. But I know you can do this and there are answers.
Laurie, I don't know a lot but I know a little and this has worked for me. I hope I've helped, please let me know in the comments, ok and stay in touch. Let the healing begin!

Saturday, October 14, 2006


This is a subject I do not wish to offend anyone with. This is directed at the kids, young people, sexually active individuals who see abortion as just another form of birth control.
Let me clear up any misconceptions you may have about my stance here; We now have a "Morning After Pill" and if you are raped, you'd better take it. If you slipped up and your contraception may be in question, take that pill. But to think that you can fool around and, "Whoops, I slept with the guy Friday Night and it's the perfect time for me to be pregnant," and go have an abortion, this is directed at you. Personal responsibility is what I'm calling you on. It is not an option to be used in your little kit of birth control options. Use a condom, sponge, pill, something for God's sake, just don't think because you want to be irresponsible and play with fate that it's ok for you to go rip a fetus out of your womb, cutting it to pieces.
Say what you want. "While it's often important for people to know what you stand for, it's even more important for them to know what you will NOT STAND FOR!"

This was taken from a previous post on WCRZ Crazy Radio

Before I die, I'm going to say what has to be said. You don't have to like my opinion and you don't have to listen to the posts, another decision you are able to make in the land of the free and home of the brave. But I see it as a cowards way out. Your adult enough to lay down, be that adult and look in the mirror and take charge of YOUR life.
Kids, this is not a pleasant subject. Abortion is not a very nice thing at all. But I want you to make an informed decision, take responsibility for yourself, your life and always search for the truth so that you may have an informed opinion. Don't go along with the program, don't always go with the flow. No dammit, I want you to march to your own drummer. But take a stand and have an educated opinion before you open your mouth or your legs for that matter. I said I would provide links and you may go here and here. The picture here is just absolutely asounding. This as well is informative. Think about this; what if you are wrong? You'll have to live with it and die with it. It's real simple; if you fail to plan, plan to fail, ok Listen and then give your opinion.

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

Saturday, October 07, 2006


Dear Aunt B,
My fiance' and I are supposed to get married, next May. I really love Peter but he puts a lot of pressure on me to have anal sex with him. I don't like the idea, it grosses me out. He was drinking not long ago and said that all the girls were doing it, why won't I? He even showed me a porno, he said he's had since college, of girls doing it like that, yuk!
Aunt B, my Mom is dead and I have no one to ask. I came across your advice blog about a month ago and thought I have nothing to lose. I really don't want to do this. Am I being a prude? He even said that on our Honeymoon, he was looking forward to doing that to me. I am actually mortified but I don't want to lose him. What can I do?

Aunt B said...

Tell him ok, if you get to do him first and make it a big one,hahaha!!
I'm not a fan of that position, either. I don't know if he's really serious or not? I also don't know how serious you are about him?
No, all the girls are not doing it. A small percentage is doing it and he can not say that, that is a gauge of a good woman, as he's implying.He can not hold you to that. I know that it's not fair for him to put undo pressure on you to accommodate him on this one, it's just not right. I wouldn't say it's the norm, either and I'd be willing to bet money that there are more women who won't do it than will. I've done it, trying to be open minded and I don't care for it. It was painful and I'm not into pain unless, I'm dishing it out, hah!
I think it's real important, that you assert your feelings now and tell him if he doesn't like it, he needs to find one of those savory chicks in the porn business. You're not about that, you don't approve nor will you ever so he needs to let it go. It seems to me that you cringe, every time he brings it up, right? Tell him to let it go, it ain't happening and if that's what he thinks women have to be about, he's disillusioned and sadly mistaken. What's wrong with good ol' down and dirty sex without the shitty attitude, all puns intended?
Kelly, have him read this, if nothing else. I will make this post known on my other blog and we'll see what the women have to say on the matter, ok!
Keeping it Real,

Aunt B